The Trouble with Texas
There was trouble with Texas.
The headmaster summoned me to his office. First of all, I had to wait for his secretary to answer the phone. Schools these days, they haven’t got the staff, it’s the cuts I tell you. People need to make a stand. Education’s important, ain’t I? I was going to attend that, “Take action against the cuts.” march outside the town hall, but unfortunately, Tuesday is my Bingo night.
I didn’t really like the new headmaster either. He was too old, and he was so out of touch with modern day problems.
The secretary put the phone down and looked up.
“I’ve been asked to come here,” and pointed at Texas.
“You can go straight in,” said the secretary, “just knock. You’re 12 minutes late.”
I rattled my car keys in front of her face. “Well, it’s the parking. I just can’t leave a BMW anywhere, you know.”
“We’re trying to encourage everyone to walk. You only live around the corner.”
What an attitude. I knocked and went in with Texas.
“Ah, finally. At last, Mrs Jones.”
“It’s Ms Jones actually,” I said. “And I’ve been stuck outside with your secretary for ages.”
The headmaster raised an eyebrow to the ceiling. “Really? Please take a seat.”
I sat down with Texas next to me.
“I suppose you know why you are here?” said the headmaster.
“The girls are picking on Texas again.”
“Well, your daughter was involved in – shall we say, a fracas again. But whether she was the victim – or the perpetrator is another matter.”
“I don’t know what that means, but I know they’re bullying my daughter again.”
“Well, there seems to be some bullying involved, but it is more likely that your daughter is the bully.”
The cheek. I knew it was going to be like this. “My daughter! My daughter, look at her. Does she look like a bully?”
“Well, I am not qualified to spot bullies just by looking at them. Also, why is your daughter wearing earrings?”
“Well, she has to, don’t she?”
“She does not have to. School policy makes it very clear no jewellery of any kind is to be worn at school. Texas would please remove them?”
“Well, she can’t, can she? Her piercings –her ear holes will close up, won’t they?”
“That is no matter. What she wears outside of school is of no concern. However, earrings cannot be worn in school. Please remove them.”
I sat there while Texas removed her earrings,
“They’ve gone a bit green Mum,” said Texas.
I looked at them, “They’re okay” I said, putting them in my Chanel bag.
“Also, why has your daughter got such a dark suntan? Wasn’t she off school last week with tonsillitis?”
I looked at Texas; she was quite well-tanned, not as tanned as me though. I always won when it came to suntans. She’d have to go some to beat her Mother. “Sunbed ain’t it”
“Sunbed, really, anyway back to the fight.”
“Oh, it’s a fight now, is it?”
“Well, people saw your daughter punch someone.”
“Legedly”
“It wasn’t allegedly. Unlike last time, when it was just the history teacher that saw the fight, this time we have the Art teacher and his teaching assistant. Plus, we have CCTV evidence.”
“CCTV, that won’t be allowed, it’s not admittable, it won’t stand up.”
“Madam, the word of my teacher would be enough, but to stop any arguments there is the CCTV as well and I can tell you it doesn’t make enjoyable viewing.”
“Well, let’s see it then,” I said.
“I am not going to play you the tapes – I have no wish to view that behaviour again.”
“Well, I’ve come all this way; it would be good to see that those karate lessons didn’t go to waste.”
“Madam, I am afraid we have no choice but to suspend your daughter for a week.”
“A week,” I said. “A week off school, so it okay for you to deprive her of a week of her education, but not for her to have a week in Spain with her family.”
“So she was in Spain last week?”
“I didn’t say that”. I said. That’s what I didn’t like about this headmaster, always twisting things around.
“Your daughter has got a violent streak. We need to get to the bottom of this. If it continues, your daughter may be expelled”
“It’s her father,” I said, “very violent man, always coming home hitting poor Texas, for silliest things, not getting his fags, too much ice in the Mojitos. It’s no wonder she so messed up.”
“I thought last time when we had the meeting with Social Services. You said your husband hadn’t been seen for a couple of years. You said he was working away in Newcastle, somewhere.”
What a memory this guy has. He doesn’t forget a thing. He’s like a sodding hippopotamus. No wonder everyone hates him. “Well, that was different,” I said. “I didn’t want em to cut the benefit.”
“Really,” he muttered, picking up a folder on his desk.
“You see, it’s not her fault,” I said. “She’s too much energy. She needs an outlet.”
The headmaster was flicking through the pages. “I totally agree. So why hasn’t Texas attended a single games lesson this year?”
“She don’t like games, does she? It’s her hair, takes her ages it does.”
“I’m afraid that is not an excuse and some of the excuses she has given throughout the term are frankly preposterous. It’s taking creative writing to another level.”
“That’s my Texas.”
The headmaster passes over some scruffy pieces of paper. “Well, they’re signed by you, actually.”
I nodded as I read the letters.
“And that’s another thing. Exam results. Texas is constantly at the bottom of the class.”
“Don’t worry headmaster, Texas is a bright girl like her mum, I’ll make sure she tries 110%.”
“She needs to. She only got 27% in the last test.”
“Headmaster, I’ll promise she’ll get 110% in the next test.”
“That’s very reassuring, Ms Jones. However, I promise you, the most she can get in a test is 100%.”
“You don’t know my daughter — when she puts her mind to something. Isn’t that right, Texas?”
“Yes, Mum.”
“Even so, I can assure you the maximum your daughter can achieve in a test is 100%.”
“Maybe, we’ll see.”
There was a knock on the door and the secretary came in and looked at me. “You wouldn’t have a beige Vauxhall nova, would you?”
“Nova,” I said. “I don’t think so.” Who did she think I was? I’d shown her my BMW car keys.
“That’s good. It’s just that it looks like they’re about to tow it away.”
“They’re what? Towing my car away. Over my dead body,” I said, rushing out of the room.